How to Write
by Lindsey D. Perez
Summary: A young girls journey to discovering the power of words and their influence over the universe.
1. The End

Wind blew and wiped hair around my face and in my burning eyes. Hot ashes filled my throat and mouth and flooded my nose as I drew a breath. Icy razors slowly scrapped off layer after layer of my skin. How did it come to this? I was a good girl, a christian girl. I prayed, believed in God. Was it all wrong? Why had I ended up in damnation?

Perhaps the begining is a sufficient place to start.

This all started when I was 12 or 13. I realized I did not have to listen to the world. I could create my own universe. I had the power to form new places with new creatures and new people. Technology and character traits that were impossible but I could make them happen.

By stringing together letters to form a word and weaving words to create a sentence, layering sentences to create a paragraph and compressing paragraphs to create a story; I could change the world.

I sat down at my parents computer and started my own word document and titled it "My Stories" and it was here that I let my imagination flow. Wether it be a poem, a journal entry, a long story or a one liner... I could be free. Words flowed from the keyboard and appeared on screen by some untold magic I would not even attempt to understand. Why question that which makes me happy?

At first my stories were silly. Frivolous. Just inserting myself into movies and books foretold. Playing the roles of all charecters, deciding the outcome of their actions according to character. My stories qucikly became more elaborate. I was now taking charecters and placing them in foreign situations, deciding their fate and playing god. It was delightful, the power I had... I did not control myself. And I wrote the following story and everything changed.

I knew everything once. Now all I knew was pain. Never ending suffering with a fire that burned away my skin so it scabbed. When my skin scabbed, the ice would claw and rip them off and I would bleed. Blood mixing with sweat and tears. I wandered in black, red hot never-ending Hell. I fell to my knees as the bones in my legs collapsed and broke, snapping through my warped flesh and making me scream. Ashes rushed into my throat and clogged my lungs. I knew everything once...


	2. Meeting the Demon

School is SO easy for me. I mean, all you have to do is take notes, read the text books, and do the homework. I have so much spare time on my hands to hang outn with my friends and read books and gossip magazines. That's where I learned how to do make up and how I know exactly what attracts the opposite sex. They are so easy to allure. You know it is a fact proven by science that males think about sex every 5 seconds? women think about it every 25. So here I am, 25 seconds into my english class when in walks a strange, black, mishapen looking figure. I instantly think of sex.

"Hello?" my teacher says, peering at the blob over his wire frame glasses. The blob moves about a bit like some sort of ameboa and to my great surprise a fragile looking white hand appears and extendeds itself toward my teacher. It hands him a yellow paper and quickly retracts back into it's black nest. My teacher opens the note and inspects it before snapping his book closed. He looks at the blob with a critical eye. "Take a seat where you like." And went on to tell the clas to pass up last nights homework.

I pulled my folder from my pink backpack and produced my english homework. I had written the vocabulary words in purple glitter pen. My friend turned around and smiled at me.

"Can I copy?"

"No." I said flatly as I handed her my paper.

The blob shadow thing shuffled over. Small shiny black shoes barely peaked from beneath the long black cloak.

"Oh my God, it's coming this way~!" my friend giggled but stopped as it changed direction from the back of the room to right where I was. I took in a breath of horror as it sat right beside me. An uncomfortable silence fell over the classroom. The person in black just sat next to the most popular girl in school. What kind of statement was this? I felt my gut clench and my palms get sweaty. My head was reeling suddenly. I felt faint. I gulped down vile at the back of my throat. What was happening to me? I looked over to the person in black.

"H-hi..." I managed to stammer. "My name is Carrisa Smith. What's...yours?"

What was wrong with me? I was always confident, always sure-footed! I had nerves of steel! But my heart was rampant as slowly, I think, it turned toward me. No eyes. I could see nothing of skin. Only black drapping folds of dark cloth. Slowly the cloth was removed and there appeared a sharply pointed chin with soft pink valleys for lips. I was hypnotized by them and watched as they moved languidly apart and together over perfect gleaming white teeth.

"My name is Thomas." his voice was deep and throaty. The rumbling sound of his vocal chords filled my ears... tingly. I knew I was starring. I blinked my mascara and eye liner coated lids.

"Are you... new?"

"I think that is apparent." his voice was gentle and melodic and it soothed the knot in my stomach. It made me fall in love with him. A slight glaze fell over my blue eyes. He was enchanting. I could not look away. This grip, this sudden spell he had over me was like nothing I had ever expereinced and it scared me. I did not want to be influenced like this. I was scared but somehow I was thrilled. Since my freshman year in high school it had always been me who has ruled the minds of others. I who manipulated the soft minded drones of media followerers and fashion slaves.

Here I sat in this chair in this classroom. Beside this unusual person drapped in black and amorphous like a clouds shadow. How he enchanted me. Thomas, Thomas, _Thomas!_ I wanted to whisper that name like a mantra.

Thomas saw that I had no further things to say and a slight downward tug of his lips displayed his feeling. He wanted furhter conversation? I was quick to please.

"Where did you come from?" I blurted. "Me, I lived in Ohio when I was little before I came here. Are you from the states?"

Thomas' lips pulled further downward and the veil was pulled over his mouth. The spel broke and my first thought was this... How can he see with that black over his eyes? Whatever.

I crossed my smooth legs and leaned foreward in my desk, watching as lectured about romantisicm influences on art and literature. I already knew all about this stuff so I paid attention to my nail polish and my eyes widend. My bright nail polish, orange citrus number 45, was chipping away! I just put on two coat two days ago! Good thing I had it with me now. I pulled the polish from my pencil pouch and began to coat my nails...

I had almost forgotten about that weird dude next to me until suddenly he moved, shifting away and lifting the pale delicate hand over his veiled mouth. I looked at him ins surprise as he hissed, "That stench is awful! Please put that away!"

No one talked to me like that! I ignored him and continued to do my nails for the rest of the period. That would put him in his place. The class was almost over! I could go home and o my Algebra homework and then maybe call up Jenny and Samantha and go to the mall to get some new lacy bras and undies...

As these frivilous thoughts occupied my silly head, the bell rang. I capped my nail polish and was about to put my things away when the shadow leaned toard me, affronting all girlish thought.

"Do not move, Carrisa."

I am powerless. I did not move an inch. It was as if a layer of concrete had shelled around my skin. The class left to room. I could not speak or ask anyone to help me move. I could not feel anything. When I could move again the class was empty and I stood so quickly the chair was pushed over behind me and I fell against the wall. I starred at that black figure with my eyes wide.

"What did you do to me?" I asked, my voice high in fear.

Those slim arms came from beneath layers and pulled back a thick hood. His hair was black as ebony. It came over his eyes like a sheep dog. From beneath those black bangs protruded a nose of the most attractive type. Strong and angular and slightly upturned on the end like a girls. I stared in wonder. Thomas came toward me and my back pushed closer against the wall, as if I could dissapear through it.

"Please, don't be afraid of me." he purred, putting his hands on my shoulders. I think he was looking into my eyes but I could not see his. My blue eyes flickered around the room searchingly, frantic. "I want you to help me..."

"Help you?" the idea caught me off guard and a smile formed on my bright red lips. "What? Why do you need my help?"

His fingers gripped my narrow shoulders suddenly hard, digging into my skin and making me cry out.

"I need to escape." he begged. His oice was broken. "There is no light... You. You are light. You are good. I need your help."


	3. Old Friends

He was crazy! He was scary! I wanted to shove him away but I couldn't. Something in me wanted to listen and hear what he had to say. Something inside wanted to help him, help Thomas find this "light"...

"Get away from me!" I cried, shoving him violently back. As hard as I pushed, my arms had no effect against his body. I could feel his chest through the soft black fabric. Cashmere. I could not help but feel relaxed as my finger tips ran against it. "What do you want?"

Thomas came closer to me. His musk was over powering my Tropical Fruit body mist. His smell invaded my nostrils and made my legs tremble.

"Don't... don't come so close..." I muttered, the palm of my hand pressing against his chest.

"You know who I am, Carrisa. You are not afraid of me." he said. "You know me."

I was sure I had never met this boy before in my entire 16 years of life and yet something felt right. This was happening too fast! This guy was not my type!

"You and I were destined to do this. Think back and remember... remember what you promised me. Do you remember?"

His voice was irresistable and his hands were starting to wander from my shoulders to my arms. My head felt like it was splitting.

"No... n-no!" intense migrane like waves rolled over my temples. "It's hurting... I have a headache."

"Do you remeber, my sweet? My angel?" Thomas had his cool finger tips running over my forearms and causing goosebumps to rise on my arms. I could not even think when he was running his hands all over me like this! His hands stilled. "I am sorry. I cannot restrain myself, I have been waiting for such a long time..."

I shook my head.

"You are confused. I don't know who you are."

Thomas was quiet for a moment and then his hand was against my cheek. "You don't mean that Carrisa... You don't mean it. You know who I am. I'm Thomas... I thought that when we would meet at last you would be so happy. You aren't happy?"

Finally it struck me. I gasped.

"My shadow! My imaginary friend! I remember you!"

Thomas was my imaginary friend the entire time I had been growing up. He was my shadow and I named him Thomas after Thomas the Teddy Bear, the only book my mother ever read to me. Thomas was my best friend and I thought we would always live together, him chasing at my heels in a delightful game of never-ending tag. A game of thrill and danger.

"Yes! Oh, I have tried years. So many years to find you and now I have! Carrisa, you said forever. Forever we would be friends! You remember now dont you?"

I nodded numbly and a smile appeared. "Yes, yes I remember. I remember being at my fathers mansion and you told my to try going down the banister. I was scared but you said you were right behind me and you were. Then we would sit in the lirary and read... I would read out loud to you and you would fall asleep on the rug. I remember."

Thomas smiled, his rosy lips pulling back over his gleaming white teeth and flashing a bit of bright pink gum. "Yes Carrisa. I am happy you remember me. Do you want to play with me? We can play tag or hopscotch. You were always better than me..."

The smile slowly melted from my face. "No... oh Thomas. We can't be friends anymore. I have real friends now."

He looked affronted.

"_Real_ friends?" He backed up, his hands clenching into fists. "I _am a real friend! _I was real enough to you when your father killed your mother and smeared her blood on your white sunday dress! _I_ was the one who _protected_ you from him when he grabbed your ankle and tried to abuse you in ways unmentionable!"

I was taken aback by this burst of anger. No eyes. his cheeks became flushed pink with frustration and I was sorry for what I said. It must hurt him.

"Thomas, I'm sorry... I didn't mean that... You were my real friend but now I have better friends..." I said slowly, this was terribly awkward. "Now could you please tell me what is going on? How is it possible that my imaginary friend is real?"

Thomas pulled his hood and covered his face. I felt a creeping sensation of dread creep into my stomach.

"Thomas..."

"I sincerely hope that you enjoy your better friends." he snarled in a nasty way. "I doubt they will save you in time of need. Better friends..." he spat the word better as if it was a horrible taste in his mouth. He turned, his cloak billowing about him as he left the classsroom. A cold feeling settled in my stomach. I had a feeling this would not be the last time I would see Thomas...


	4. Explanation

I walked home and the weather was cold and windy. I usually walked with my girl friends, Jenny and Samantha, but since I had been held back from that peculiar encounter I found myself walking home alone. The clouds flickered and growled and twitched above my head. My thoughts were spinning around in my brain restlessly. How did this happen? Had it been a day dream? It seemed to happen so rapidly... such a brief encounter with a friend from the past. I knew that as soon as I got home I was going to research this on Google.

I reached my little apartment complex and went inside. I walked up the stairs to my room number 15 and tried the door. It opened which meant that my foster parent was home.

"Hello there Carrisa!" called my foster mother from the kitchen. "How was school?"

"Good Gretta. How was your day?" I asked as I took off my shoes at the door.

"Oh it was lovely. I met with this client who could not stop talking about their ex husband. You know, some people just need to learn to let go and move on with their life or they carry this heavy luggage with them forever and it has life long effects..." My foster mother was a psychiatrist. She loved to tell me all about what happened at her office that day. I would usually respond about how sad that was and then return with my own silly gossip stories but not today. "Sweet heart? Are you alright?"

"Yes mom... I'm just really tired. I had a long day. I'm just gonna go lie down in my room for a little bit, okay?" I said as I shuffled toward the hall.

"Alright sweetie. Let me know if you need anything."

I went into my stylish white room. I loved this room and had spent an entire summer designing it from the color of the mattress ruffle right down to the shape of the door knob. It was entirely my own and had my colorful cutesy personality engraved in it. I shut the door and flopped on my mattress. I still had a headache... Dark thoughts began to creep into my head. This was ridiculous! Thomas was an imaginary person! I certainly wish he was there right then so I could talk to him...

"What is it?" that deep voice came in my ear. I started with a cry and fell off my bed. "Are you alright?"

Thomas the shadow rushed to my side and lifted me off the ground. I starred at him.

"I don't understand how you are here... Imaginary friends are meant to be imaginary." I said in a dumbfounded way.

Thomas pulled back his hood and then I saw the smile on his face.

"I can never stay mad at you Carrisa, I care for you too much."

Guilt was overwhelming me and I burst out, "Thomas I'm so sorry I said you weren't me friend. What I was trying to say was~"

He held up his pale hand for me to stop and he said "I know precisely what you were trying to say. I also happen to know how happy you are to have me here with you again, even if you refuse to admit it out loud." He said all this with a smile and I blushed because he was right.

"How can you be real? Am I the only one who can see you?" I asked.

"No. I am real." he put his hand on my head and a burst of happiness flooded through me and I closed my eyes for a moment. "I'm as real as the blood humming in your veins."

"But... how? I made you up... you aren't real."

He sat down on the bed beside me. "You wrote a poem about me once. I know it was about me because you titled it 'Thomas'. You're poem said that you loved me and I was real to you."

"Yeah... I remember that." not that I write poetry for fun anymore.

_Thomas_

I am the light to your darkness

You are the light to my darkness

The universe is our playground

You are my playmate

My only friend and soul mate

Sometimes I wish you were real

Sometimes I wish you could wrap dark arms around me and whisper with warm breath in my ear

"Everything is wonderful"

Comforting words in the horrible night

Sweet embrace when I am so cold

Thomas of darkness and light

Thomas the shadow

Thomas the shade

Thomas my friend

Thomas my love

He recited the entire thing and I was impressed. Not even I knew the entire thing anymore.

"I even kept the paper you wrote it on." he said and from his cloak he pulled out the pink paper and my 12 year old scrawl filled the page with purple crayon words.

"Oh wow..."

"This was my ticket to life... You brought me to life by writing myself into being. I am real now," he said as he put the poem away in his cloak again. "And I am here for you now when you need me most."

"But I don't need you. I'm not some stupid damsel in distress." I said annoyed.

Thomas frowned and he took hold of my hand and that instantly silenced any indignant thought I might have had.

"Please." his voice sounded strained. "Don't speak to me that way... You don't have to hide your fear from me, Carrisa. I already know them. You can be **real** with me."

His thumb stroked over my knuckles and my throat tightened.

"I am real... I'm not an imaginary friend." I muttered.

"Neither am I. At least, not anymore."

"Why are you here?" I snapped, looking up at him. I suddenly hated him for not being able to see his eyes.

"I came here from Below so we can be together. I am breaking so many rules to be here with you but you're worth it. I know I will get divine punishment for this... but that doesn't matter. I love you."

I felt my throat constrict further and tears filled my eyes. It had been so long since anyone had said that and I believed them.

"Thomas..." I breathed shakily.

He enveloped me in his wings. His strong arms wrapped around my shoulders and his fingers were gentle. Warmth shrouded my body and I closed my eyes. Relaxation swept over my entire being and I had never felt so at ease before.

"Do not speak. No words are needed. I am your and you are mine. That is all."

And for a moment, that truly was all there were. But these moments never last for long. Breaking the rules always come with consequences.


End file.
